Archive for May, 2012

I used to dream of being a doctor. When I was a kid, I always strive to get good grades in hopes that my folks would send me to a med school. Unfortunately, I came to the realization that this dream will forever remain a dream. I never seemed to regret the thought of never achieving that dream. I’m fine with what I have right now, and I do not aspire to go that way anymore. It somehow scares me.

You know what’s even ironic? I’m scared of going to the doctor now. I am neither sure if this is normal or of I’m just a big fat coward or if this is a disorder. I have no way of knowing, I’m scared to go.

Today I face a huge dilemma that has haunted me for a few days now. I feel ill but I do not wish to see a specialist. I’m afraid to face my fears and I’m freaking out about the illnesses that might get to me one day. The reason why I’m scared? I just do not know.

At the moment, the Hematuria has passed. I do not see any strain of blood anymore aside from menstrual blood, which of course is supposed to be there for time being. Fortunately, I have not eluded the fangs of Dysuria just yet. The last time I had this was back in February. It was awful. Fighting back the urge to scream on top of your lungs while in the restroom. Everytime I go to the restroom, I preempt the pain I will have to go through. It goes away sometime, then it comes back. I have to constantly drink water to keep myself sane. And here I am after a few months, struggling to fight the same urge to scream.

For those who have yet to be in the shoes I wear today, please do your best to prevent it. There are lots of materials over the net that discuss the matter and end of the line for most, if not all, of them is to consult to your specialist. It’s possible that my lifestyle has an effect to the occurrence of this problem in me after all.  Nevertheless, I have yet to discover the reason for this. Apparently if I continue being a coward, I would not be able to know what needs to be done and the cause of such occurrence.

05/13/2012

Mom,

You do not know how proud I am to be your daughter. I always make sure the world knows my mother taught me well. You were never wrong with the things you tell me. The “Mothers are always right” slogan is really working.

You always stood up for me. When I remember those times, I get teary eyed. Forgive me, but apparently the one who tells me to be strong is also my main weakness.

I suppose I haven’t been with you for a while but always remember this, I’m never too far away. Please do not ever hesitate to tell me when you need me. Even if you just miss me. Tell me. As long as I can, I’ll come running back to you. I’ll call you when you’re lonely, I’ll be there for you when you want company. I want to be the one you first tell the story to.

I want to be your little girl as I have always been, it’s just that now I am no longer little.

I caused you a lot of pain when I left, but all you wish for me is my happiness. When I told you I will move out you just nod and made me feel that you understand very well and you know it’s what’ll me happy. You even made me feel secure, never misjudged. You never made me feel like I did anything wrong. You always want me to be happy, and that’s all. No apprehensions, no side comments, no questions asked.

These times had been hard. You were as tough as you could ever be. You never really said anything. If it were another mom, she would have been ranting. You show the courage a mom should always have. You stand tall despite the gnawing storms. Even when it’s unbearable, you never backed down. All of these for us. To simply put it, you are the BEST.

Above all, I am always and forever grateful to the Lord that He picked us to be the lucky kids you would have. Just knowing I am your little girl is enough.

I love you, Mama.

Ja

I’m not sure why I’m doing this. Probably because I’m bored and I really need an outlet for my creative juice. With all due respect I want to commend the makers of the application (or whatever it is) that I installed recently to my Google Chrome browser. Writer ( Wr| ) is pretty cute, and enough for me to keep writing. Says it saves the stuff you write and all, has the option to make it a PDF file, save it or send it to e-mail or blog. Neat, huh? It also has word count. All you gotta do to download is hit the Chrome Web Store on your Google Chrome browser and search for “writer.” Anyhow, let’s see how I’ll find this app. I’ll write a review in say, a week or so. 🙂

Here’s a screen shot of the options at the bottom of the app’s interface. 🙂